he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
