you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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