all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
