You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
