problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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