1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
