i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
