The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
