So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
