toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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