Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
