Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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