Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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