my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
