You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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