now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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