please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
