i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
