If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We had sex on a dog bed..
My ass is underappreciated
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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