I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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