You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
