You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
