he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize