He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
