O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
