i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
