Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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