I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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