I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
