dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
