I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
