It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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