Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
