Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i came on her dog
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Vodka?
Forever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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