he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
