i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
accomplished twins. life is a go
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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