It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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