Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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