woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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