Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
