Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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