I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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