two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
