He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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