I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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