Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
