hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
vagina is talking i cant
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
