I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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