the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it glows. i had to have it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
