So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
