jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
