No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize