you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
