"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
