People in love make me want to vomit
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
