Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
