We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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