idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
