Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize