While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
