Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize